Ed's Happy Birthday
by Moonrise31
Summary: Ed's birthday is coming up, and Al asks Mustang's gang to pitch in for the greatest birthday present ever. Rated T for slight language and implied...things. There's a tiny bit of implied Royai in here too...see if you can find it :D


**A/N: Yeah, I think Arakawa mentioned once that Ed was born in the winter, and I read somewhere that his birthday was sometime in February, but here we are in the July, the middle of the summer, with Ed's birthday. Deal with it :D **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except maybe the idea of the icing design on Ed's birthday cake ;)**

A hesitant knock sounded throughout Mustang's office. The colonel looked up, glad for a distraction from his paperwork, and called, "Come in!"

Al quietly snuck in. He held a finger to his lips. "Quiet please, Brother's in the bathroom and I don't want him to hear this." The members of the military immediately stopped what they were doing and gave the suit of armor their full attention.

"It's Brother's birthday next week, and I thought we could all pitch in and give him a great present. I already have an idea in mind, but I don't have the money to buy it."

Havoc shrugged. "Sure, I guess. Saves us from going to the trouble ourselves."

Al sighed. "Yeah, usually Brother gets really cranky on his birthday because he doesn't get what he wants, so I really want to please him this year."

The rest of Mustang's gang swiftly pulled out their wallets. A cranky Ed was not a good Ed.

After a few moments Al stuffed all the money inside his armor. "Thanks, guys! I'm sure Brother will love his gift."

"Exactly what is the gift, Alphonse?" Fuery asked.

"Oh, you'll see," Al would have grinned if possible. "I'm sure Brother will stop by to show you."

The next week, Mustang was once again interrupted from his paperwork, this time from a loud commotion in the hallway. A few seconds later, the doorknob twisted back and forth frantically. "Is that—?" Breda began, but he never finished his sentence.

The door finally opened to show Ed…on stilts. "Ha! This is awesome! Bow down to me, you midgets!" Ed cackled. He bent his head so he could wobble into the room, Al following behind. "Yes! I have to duck to get through the doorway! This is too good to be true!"

"Happy Birthday, Edward," Hawkeye smiled. Seeing Ed this happy was a rare sight, and the poor kid didn't get enough chances to be cheerful.

"Yeah, you bet, Lieutenant!" Edward laughed. "This is the best birthday present I've ever had!"

Mustang smirked. "Finally tall enough to join the normal people, Fullmetal?"

Ed pointed his finger dramatically at the colonel. "Oh, I wouldn't be cracking jokes now, Colonel. Because I'm three feet taller than you are! See how it feels to be short!"

"Hm, your height has changed dramatically overnight," Mustang observed as if noticing for the first time, "but that can easily be fixed." With that, the Flame Alchemist snapped his fingers. Ed's poor wooden stilts went up in ash and the astonished Ed plummeted three-and-a-half feet butt-first into the remains of his birthday present.

"AUGH! YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU!!! THAT WAS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT, NOT STICKS OF FIREWOOD! AND I THOUGHT YOU HELPED BUY THEM TOO!!!" Ed was shaking with anger.

"Yes, I did pitch in," Mustang grinned. "But it was worth it just to see this moment."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!! WIPE THAT EVIL GRIN FROM YOUR FACE!! RAWR!!!!" Ed roared and lunged at the colonel.

"Now, now, attacking your superiors is a no-no, even if it's your birthday," Mustang scolded jokingly. Before he could continue, however, Ed had barreled into him with such force that the colonel actually moved backward and crashed into his desk, papers flying everywhere.

"SOME BIRTHDAY THIS IS! I HATE YOU MORE THAN EVER, BASTARD! PREPARE TO GET BEATEN TO A PULP!" Ed declared, raising his automail fist to punch the daylights out of Mustang.

"I don't know," Mustang smirked, "if such a shorty like you can muster the strength to do that."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT—"

_Click._ Ed and Mustang paused in their arguing to find a gun barrel pressed into each of their foreheads. One of Hawkeye's veins was popping out slightly, and she began to speak with measured calm. "Stop fighting. Such behavior is unsightly for an officer of your stature, sir, and you should be focusing on happy things for your birthday, Edward. Now, you both have ten seconds. Sir, please go back to your paperwork. Edward, Alphonse and the others will go with you to pick out a birthday cake. No one is coming into this office for the rest of the day except for the colonel. Is that clear?" Havoc and the other military officers, plus Al, immediately saluted and rushed out the door to wait for Ed.

"Aw, how come they get to go somewhere with—"

Hawkeye's finger twitched on the trigger. "Please stop whining, sir. This gun isn't loaded with blanks."

"Um, I'm going now." Ed seemed to have calmed down a bit, and he inched away from Hawkeye's gun. Once he had gone what he gauged was a safe distance away from the two officers, he quickly made a face at Mustang before bolting out the door.

"Ten seconds," Hawkeye glanced at the clock. Mustang immediately began grabbing for a piece of paper to begin pretending to work. Hawkeye went back to her desk and took a deep breath before beginning hers.

After a while, Mustang grew bored again, and looked up at the Lieutenant with a gleam in his eye. "There's only us two in the room for the rest of the day…"

Hawkeye glared at him. "Not today, sir. Right now I am thoroughly pissed at you." After seeing that the pouting colonel was really doing his work, Hawkeye glanced out the window and saw Ed and the others enjoying a party on the lawn. She wasn't sure if the cake had a picture of Ed standing victoriously over a KO'ed Mustang on it or not, but she smiled. At least Ed was still having a happy birthday.

**A/N: Actually, it's my birthday on the 14th, but I can't wait till then to post this, so yeah. I'm pretty short myself, but I don't think I want stilts...read and review? Thanks! :D**


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